Jokes & Humor

I am afraid for the calendar.

Its days are numbered!

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta!

Why do not scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything!

I used to hate facial hair...

But then it grew on me!

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear!

Why do not eggs tell jokes?

They would crack each other up!

I am reading a book about anti-gravity.

It is impossible to put down!

What did the ocean say to the beach?

Nothing, it just waved!

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

He was outstanding in his field!

What do you call a dog that does magic?

A Labracadabrador!

Why can not you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she will let it go!

I used to hate beard hair.

But it grew on me!

What do you call a cheese that is not yours?

Nacho cheese!

Why did the bicycle fall over?

Because it was two-tired!

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dino-snore!

Why do not oysters share their toys?

Because they are shellfish!

What did the grape do when it got stepped on?

Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

Why was the math book unhappy?

Because it had too many problems!

What do you call a pile of cats?

A meowtain!

Why did the man put his clock in the safe?

He wanted to save time!